I've Heard That These Things Happen
by zealousfreak27
Summary: Anything can happen in this drabble series - AU, introspection, fluff, humor and angst. There may be shipping but for now just gen. Rated T overall, but I'll warn for anything out of the ordinary. I take prompts!
1. Zoro Just Wanted a Nap

Zoro is trying in vain to tune out the noise around him - he wants to sleep, damn it. He wishes he was on the ship, but that damn woman had forced them to draw straws again. He and Chopper had picked the short ones and had thus been consigned to getting supplies. To add to the list of things that piss him off, Usopp had used the occasion to lecture Chopper on not letting him get lost, which the reindeer had taken far too seriously. Zoro had wanted to find somewhere to get sake, but instead Chopper had found him a bench in the sun and made him promise to stay there while he toured the market.

As much as he hates being ordered around, the plus side is that he doesn't have to do any work while Nami is short on an excuse to get upset with him. He's trying to add to the positives of the situation by resting, but the loud bustle of the town irritates him. Isn't this place supposed to be a quiet stop on the Grandline?

Just when he starts to feel like he's drifting off to sleep, a jarring voice laughs, effectively rousing him, before saying "What's this thing?" Maybe he should just give up and find somewhere to train. But no, then Chopper'll get all annoying...

Speaking of Chopper, he thinks he hears the doctor's voice now. "I'm not a thing!" Oh, some idiot's insulting his pride as a reindeer. That hasn't happened in a while - it's seemed like the deeper they get into the Grandline, the less people give a shit.

"Yeah, so what are you? A freak?" Zoro doesn't need to open his eyes to know this man is a weakling. Chopper can take care of him fine.

"He looks like a racoon-dog. An ugly one," another voice joins in. A female one this time. Zoro feels his eyebrows twitch involuntarily.

"I'm a reindeer!" he says, pissed.

"Hey, think he's edible?" the male voice asks.

"Doesn't look like he has much meat on him. He'd probably make a better pet. Could get a good price for him."

"I'm right here you know! I can understand what you're saying!" The reindeer doesn't sound worried, so Zoro relaxes back onto his bench.

"Grab him!" says the female voice.

With reluctance, Zoro cracks his left eye open, to see a tall, slender woman with yellow hair grab onto Chopper's little arm, while a shorter, stout man brandishes a net. Weirdos.

He watches in satisfaction as his crew mate switches to his man-beast form and the fortune-hunters' eyes widen.

A cry arises from a townsperson. "Monster! It's a monster! Someone call the marines!"

Chopper looks around dazedly, trying to assure the now panicking people that he means no harm. The couple has backed away from him.

When he hears the distinct sound of a gun being cocked, he sighs. Well, it wasn't like he was getting any sleep anyway.

He stretches and carries himself over to Chopper, who looks at him, a little lost. Zoro places a hand on his shoulder, willing him to change back to his smaller form, which he does. "Do you have the supplies?" he asks his crew mate, though he doesn't look away from the villagers.

"Yeah."

"Good." He addresses the crowd. "We're going to leave now. You're going to let us."

A few moments pass before the man with the gun speaks up. "Monsters must not be allowed to live."

Zoro grins. "Oh yeah? This one's gonna. He's our doctor." He starts to walk away, not wasting effort in looking back.

"Thank you," Chopper says quietly.

"Oh shut up," he grumbles, but a smile creeps across his face, and when Chopper latches his hoof onto the leg of his pants, he allows it.

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**AN/ I take prompts!**


	2. Wish-Fulfillment

**AN/ Warnings: possible spoilers for chapter 720 of the manga, crack like whoa.**

* * *

_The day was lost. The horrible, evil, maniacal Akainu had cornered the Straw Hats. The great and wonderful Luffy-sama, through a terrible twist of fate, had been defeated. His strong, fearsome eyes glared up at the marine in defiance._

_"Now I have won," the Red Dog crowed, rubbing his hands together. "Will you submit to me?"_

_"Never!" Luffy cried with his amazing voice, his brave crew raising their voices in agreement._

_Akainu cackled. "I will savor your death." His fist turned to magma as he slowly brought it down towards the pirate._

_"Luffy!" his loyal nakama yelled, but it was in vain. Everything was over - their amazing, intelligent, talented, spectacular, handsome captain was doomed._

_What was this? For_ _some reason, the blow had been stopped from hitting the vulnerable - but strong - pirate. Luffy looked up, remembering the unspeakable event that had happened at Marineford, praying that there would not be a repeat of the incident. There was no body between him and the admiral - instead it seemed there was some sort of barrier holding the magma back._

_"You will not hurt Luffy-sempai!" cried a sturdy voice. Yes, atop a distant hill stood Bartolomeo, a man of great devotion to the future King of the Pirates. He blasted Akainu away, in punishment for the horrors he had committed, saving Luffy in the process._

_"How did you do that?" asked the pirate, impressed._

_"It was not hard for one such as me," Bartolomeo replied, barely able to gaze upon the greatness that was Monkey D Luffy in all his splendor._

_"Join my crew!" he exclaimed, and Bartolomeo was hardly able to contain his joy, though he knew he was not worthy -_

* * *

"Boss! Boss, we gots some papers for ya to look over!"

Bartolomeo turns around in his chair. "Huh?" His eyes flicker dangerously.

Gambia takes ahold of the new recruit's arm. "Now, I know you're new to the Barto Club, but it's just common sense that you don't interrupt the Boss during his special writing time. Come on, we have some thugs to de-nail."

And thus Bartolomeo is left alone with his story. As it should be. He really wants to get to the part where he pledges eternal service to the Straw Hats, though that part might make him cry...

Perhaps, someday, Luffy-sempai will notice him. That's all he wants.

* * *

**AN/ Well, I hope that was actually funny. I'm sorry about all the Japanese but it's crack so I wasn't being too formal.**


	3. Out of Character

**AN/ Warning: More crack. Sorry I'm not sorry.**

* * *

Franky was wandering through his ship doing inventory when he noticed something in the galley that made him stop in his tracks.

"Zoro-bro? Cook-bro? What are you two doing?" he inquired, sticking his head in the kitchen door.

Sanji looked up from the extravagant food he was preparing. "Making snacks for Miss Nami and Miss Robin, of course," he said, like there was nothing out of the ordinary taking place.

Franky raised an eyebrow. "And Zoro? I find it hard to believe that you're doing the same."

"Why?" the swordsman asked, looking puzzled.

"So you really are helping him!"

"Of course. Why wouldn't I? I understand that Sanji thinks women are deserving of reverence, and while I might not agree with him, I can respect his beliefs."

"I see," Franky said, with the faintest voice he'd ever used in his life. "Cook-bro, you don't think anything is odd about this?"

"No." Sanji eyed the shipwright. "Are you feeling alright?"

"I think I should be the one asking that question," Franky replied, before walking away from the galley muttering "Definitely not super" to himself.

* * *

"Miss Nami! I have your snack! An orange smoothie with a seed cake for the mademoiselle."

Brook momentarily stopped his violin practice to watch Sanji place his food delicately before the navigator. "Yohoho! That is the best looking snack I have ever beheld with my eyes. Although, I do not have eyes! Skull joke!"

He was pleased to see Robin smile at his humor - he was always hoping to amuse his friends, and that he was able to entertain such a lovely lady was even better.

But how strange. Sanji was not carrying a snack for her - instead, it appeared that Brook's fellow swordsman had brought Robin coffee and cookies.

"What is going on?" Nami asked, confused, as the two walked away chatting pleasantly with one another.

"Perhaps they are deathly ill and will soon bleed from the eyes," Robin suggested.

"Ah, I believe you are going too far." Still, Brook can agree that that occurrence was rather out of the normal.

* * *

Chopper frowned when Usopp suddenly came to a stop. "Come on," he said, kicking his feet against the sniper's shoulders, "run me again!"

"Chopper, look," Usopp hissed, pointing across the deck. Chopper was still annoyed - he loved it when people let him ride their shoulders and didn't want to stop - but he followed Usopp's finger.

"All I see are Sanji and Zoro," he grumbled, a little irritated.

"No," Usopp replied. "Did you notice what they're doing?"

Chopper squinted out at them. "Sanji's holding Zoro's sword. So what?"

"Zoro doesn't let _anyone_ hold his swords! And look, they're getting along! Not fighting or anything!"

Chopper suddenly remembered the two impostors who'd been pretending to be Zoro and Sanji on Shabondy. Not a good memory. "Wh - what do you think it means?"

Usopp scratched his beard. "I once knew two men who hated each other. One day, they started acting like friends, and the next they turned into terrible monsters. I had to use all my strength and cunning to defeat them!"

"You're so cool!" he said, before turning to look at Zoro and Sanji again, who were... hugging? "Do you think that the same thing is happening to them?"

"Probably."

Chopper tightened his hold on Usopp's hair.

* * *

Dinner that night was uncommonly quiet. Luffy, as ever, was stuffing his face with whatever food he could reach, but most of his other crew mates weren't eating. Only Zoro and Sanji were enjoying themselves, discussing the various fights they'd been in over the years and eating the gourmet soup. It seemed they were oblivious to the way everyone but Luffy was staring at them.

Suddenly, a voice broke through the calm. "Luffy!" Nami yelled.

"Why are you mad this time? I thought you missed me stealing your food..." He slapped a hand over his mouth. "Crap. Shouldn't have said that."

"I don't care about stupid food!" she cried. "Take some responsibility as a captain and make Sanji and Zoro stop!"

Luffy chewed his bite thoughtfully. "Stop what?"

"Stop - getting along!"

Luffy looked over at the two. "Huh. I guess they're not fighting."

"_How could you go all day without noticing_?" Nami, Usopp, and Franky demanded in unison.

"Haha, that's funny!" their captain laughs. "But I'm not gonna make them stop. They look happy."

The crew sans cook and swordsman looked down, some of them muttering silent prayers. But as weird as it was that Zoro volunteered to help with the dishes, they accepted their captain's decision. Mostly.

* * *

The next morning, Sanji kicked the swordsman awake and Zoro responded by cussing him out. None of them had ever thought that sight would make them so happy.


	4. Keep It Simple, Stupid

**AN/ Luffy POV and introspection for scatteredPhilosopher. Thanks for sparking the idea! And happy birthday Luffy!**

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Sometimes, when people look at Luffy, it's with this annoying sort of sadness in their eyes.

It's not his friends, of course. Or people who know who he is. It's older ladies, or men who look like they might be dads - people who've just happened to meet him on the street. They look at him like they're wondering what's wrong with him.

People used to ask that kind of thing all the time, when he was little. "That kid, is he messed up in the head? His mom drop him or something?" Like he's missing some important piece that everyone else has.

It's not like it bothers him. Just, whenever he notices that look, he thinks a little, even if it gives him a headache.

He doesn't understand why people give him that sort of pity. He remembers being seven, looking up at Shanks, knowing that to be a great pirate, he was going to have to grow a lot, and make sure he kept his promise. And after Sabo... he'd known he had to get stronger, not just for himself. Those were the only things he wanted to change about himself - wanting to become better, to be able to protect everyone, that was not new. But what else was there to improve? They don't feel sorry for him because he hasn't reached his aim yet, so there must be another reason, something he doesn't understand or really want to. Really, why would he change if he's not going to gain anything from it but their approval? That doesn't add up at all!

Luffy has what he wants, what will make him the Pirate King. If he needed anything more, he'd find a way to get it, but he doesn't. He has his crew - the best one in the whole world. He has his strength which he can use to protect them. And he's on his way to becoming the freest man on the wide ocean. Plus, there's meat. He always has his meat.

Luffy's pretty sure that, whatever those people think he doesn't have, he's happier without it.

* * *

**AN/ It's a bit short but me and my freelance beta, Star, have decided it fits Luffy. Promise it's not 'cause I'm lazy. Promise.**


	5. Emotional Weight

**AN/ I'm sorry it's been so long. And I'm sorry about the continued wait for "A Light Against the Darkened Sky." I'm terrible and I'm sorry.**

**This chapter is for RayenOfDeadStarsAndPlanets on AO3 who asked for more Chopper and Franky.**

* * *

That ought to do it! Chopper looks down at the herbs he's now finished grinding, satisfied. They should be enough to last them for quite some time - it's so nice that things have died down since they'd set out from Water 7. For the first time since Alabasta, he feels sufficiently prepared for most eventualities, even down to mild allergies. It sure is nice that they'd had a little time to relax.

His shoulders are a little achy after all his work, so he leans back in the seat, closing his eyes. Yes, sleep does sound very good at the moment...

But just as he's slipping into the state between drowsy and actually being asleep, he hears a loud bang. Startled, he looks up to see the newest member of the crew standing in the doorway, having made a not-so-quiet entry.

"Chopper-bro!" he exclaims, loudly, and Chopper blinks at him. Franky is a wall of enthusiasm despite his lack of reaction. "Do you like the room? Is it super?"

The question jarring him, he pulls himself out of his sleepy stupor and beams up at the cyborg. "Yes! Thank you so much! Everything is just the right size for me and it's perfect!"

"Glad to know you like it!" Franky grins. "I designed every detail specifically with you in mind."

"Wow!" He feels his chest swell with some warm emotion, and he puffs up a little instinctively. He imagines Franky, with his large cyborg hands, laying out the room, thinking about him, and he squirms.

"I remember when Nami-sis told me you were the ship's doctor." Franky's smile has dimmed a little. "You know, I was worse than the marines about you. I was being non-romantic in my thinking - I assumed you were the pet. I was thinking about time, and... I said we could get rid of you. I didn't think you mattered." Franky swallows. "That was not super of me at all. I see now that you're an important crew member, and an amazing doctor. I'm sorry that - "

"Sh - shut up!" Chopper exclaims, face burning. Franky's mouth falls open, his face looking even more contrite, which Chopper doesn't want at all - but he also doesn't want Franky to know how overjoyed those words had made him. "You thinking I'm a great doctor doesn't make me happy at all! It's not like I like that you think I'm important to the crew! Idiot!" There, that should fool him.

"That's what you took from what I said...?" Franky inquires uncertainly. "You're not angry I thought you were just a pet?"

That brings Chopper up short. "No..." he says, pondering why he isn't bothered. "I don't like it when people act like I'm a monster. But I can understand it. You changed your mind about me, so of course I forgive you!"

Franky bursts into tears. "'Lil-bro, you're the best!" He blows his nose violently, explaining that there are onions nearby. Chopper smells around for them, but doesn't find the scent before Franky grabs him up in a hug. Chopper loses a battle against tears into Franky's shoulder.

In the end, they assure one another of their mutual manliness before parting ways, both feeling as though an agreement has been reached.


	6. Blinding Pride

Luffy blinked his eyes open, confusion clouding his brain. He had no idea what he'd had been doing. Why was he so sore? And most importantly, where was his hat?

With a quick strain on his muscles, he sat up and looked around wildly. "Hat?" he asked. Once he had it back, he could think about less important things.

He felt something press down on his head gently and realized it was just what he was looking for! Turning around, he saw Brook's long bony hand pulling back, having placed Luffy's hat where it belonged. Unsure as to why Brook'd had it but still grateful, he stood up unsteadily, trying to hug his friend. For some reason, he was really weak, so instead of giving Brook a hug he ended up collapsing into him. Brook supported his weight easily, so Luffy relaxed a bit. Sometimes he liked being lazy and limp and letting other people hold him up.

"Ah, Brook, I'm hungry!" he realized. Maybe that was why he'd been lying on the ground! If he could just get some meat he would be all better.

"Of course, captain," Brook said, gently gripping Luffy's shoulders and guiding him to an upright position. "We'll go back to the Sunny and you can eat all you want then."

Now that Luffy wasn't so topsy-turvy, he noticed his crew was standing around him in a group. Chopper was closest, looking like he'd just finished treating someone. "How are you feeling, Luffy?" he asked, with a weird sort of drag in his voice.

"I wanna eat!" he replied, trying to catch Sanji's attention. In doing so, Luffy's ended up finding a forlorn figure on the ground, lying a good distance away from him.

And then he remembered, and eating was temporarily not a priority. "The frog guy!" Right! The guy over there was a dirty bounty hunter who'd picked a fight with him. Well, Luffy himself hadn't been able to do too much fighting, because the bastard had caught him in a sea stone trap. And no one had been around because he'd run off from the rest of the crew when they first reached this island. He almost giggled thinking about it. He'd sure been stuck!

What had happened after that? He remembered the frog guy giving boring speeches - something about how he'd get respect once he got Luffy's bounty because the Straw Hat Pirates were "infarious" and "a meniscus to the general public." He hadn't really got most of what the bounty hunter was saying, but then he hadn't cared. Sure, he'd been feeling a bit weaker than usual because of the stupid sea stone, but he knew he'd kick the guy's ass in the end.

Luffy frowned. What had happened after that again? He remembered feeling really angry, but why...?

_You've been caught just like that useless brother of yours! But then, you weren't_ really _brothers, were you? No, he was Roger's seed, and he didn't even measure up to that level of scum in the end. Lower than scum and dead, that Portgas, just like you soon will be!_

Oh yes, Luffy had gotten very angry. And he'd almost made it out of that trap too, and the frog guy had started to look scared. That was smart, because Luffy had been about to destroy him. Then the bounty hunter had pulled out a gun, but it didn't have normal bullets - these ones hurt. And Luffy didn't remember much after that.

He looked at his friends each in turn. Their faces were all pinched, like they looked when they were worried about him. (They got worried about him a lot because they were stupid.) But they also looked... proud. Of something.

"Guys, what happened? I don't really remember..."

Usopp smiled widely and gave Luffy a thumbs up. "You know how slow we all are! By the time we left the Sunny, we had no idea where you were, but we found you pretty quick because we could see the fearsome battle going on in the distance."

"We had no idea who you were fighting, but even I was impressed," Nami admitted.

"Yes," Robin chimed in. "You were a sight to behold captain."

He opened his mouth to say something, but soon enough the whole crew was talking over one another.

"I'll have to write a song to commemorate the battle! Yohohoho!"

"Super good job kicking that guys ass, Luffy-bro!"

"I had to patch you up a bit, but it was definitely worth it." Chopper gave a high pitched laugh, prompting Usopp to kick him, for some reason.

Sanji walked over and offered a shoulder to help him back to the ship, saying, "Given how hard you fought, I'd say you're in for a seven course meal."

Luffy had been wondering how he'd managed to beat the frog guy if he didn't even remember doing it, but the promise of food got his mind off the topic. It wasn't until he passed the fallen body of the bounty hunter that he started to think again because there was something... off about it all.

Around the ground where the man lay, there were scorch marks, like from lightening. He had several broken bones, Luffy thought, and maybe a broken back. There was a distinctive shoe mark on his face, a huge slash mark across his chest, and a multitude of hoof-shaped bruises covering his whole body - and through all of this, it appeared he was dreaming... Or having terrible nightmares. He eyes were darting around behind closed eyelids and he was calling out for his mother.

Luffy looked up to see all his friends chatting together like normal but resolutely not looking down at the bounty hunter. He frowned and opened his mouth before noticing Zoro. The swordsman was staring straight at him, a half-smile stretched lazily across his face. Luffy narrowed his eyes at him momentarily, considering, but soon enough gave a small nod. Zoro nodded back.

"Yosh!" Luffy shouted suddenly. All heads swiveled to look at him. "Let's get back to the Sunny! I want to eat!"

He broke away from Sanji, running ahead of the group, ignoring Chopper's cries about reopening his wounds.

After all, Luffy deserved a good meal. His friends were proud, and they should be. He was proud of himself, too, for finding the best crew in the world.

* * *

**AN/ Sorry it's been a while! I'm working at a camp right now. Hope this is good for now! I just wanted to write for protective crew. A lot.**


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